When I last left you I was angry about a few friends that had scorned and treated me like shit, well lets get one thing straight between me <the angry blogger> and you <the reader who is wondering why they continue on>. I only blog and post shit when I'm angry....so here it goes.
It's one day before Christmas. For the past month I've been spending time with a very cute 30 something year old guy who has been unemployed and broke the entire time, who has managed to continually fuck up his face due to weird minor drunken accidents and who I've been helping out by letting him use my internet and phone, feeding dinner, keeping him and his clothes clean and have even gone so far as to give him a bit of gas money to make it to interviews. So on Thursday he gets a job, woohoo; except for tonight he pops by and wants to see whats up, use my computer, and hangs just long enough to get a head change. It's Friday night and he doesn't have to work the next day so I asked him if he wanted to stay the night, he lets me know that we've been spending far too much time together and should take a break from him spending the night. That he needed to get back on schedule and probably will not be around much. He manages to leave right after that statement, with a departing, "thanks for getting my head changed".
This is the lesson that I now realize I need to learn from life, how not to shower a guy with everything they need, especially if they can't supply if for themselves; because they will only start taking it for granted and eventually leave because they got everything they wanted and no longer have any need for you. I told him I liked him, and how I really enjoyed his company and that the sex was amazing, I've tried to be honest and be on the up and up about everything I was feeling <since I hate games and the people who think it's a game to play>. But now I see I only wasted my time, energy and money on a guy who probably saw me for a sucker on day one. I'm not saying that my lesson has been learned, but I'm acknowledging it because I see it clearly right now. Kind of like when you wake up from dreaming and how you should write them down immediately or they might get lost and/or blurred and forgotten.
For now lesson learned, stay away from helping guys who cannot first help themselves on their own.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Fair Weather Friends....
I've recently gone through some very hard times with my teenage daughter. This typically teenage angst and destructive behavior has forced me to make tough decisions regarding what is best for her and myself. I have had many friends disagree with my decision, disagree so much that they have told me that I disgust them, and asked why I even bothered having a child in the first place.
Now you are wondering, well what was this horrible disgusting decision you had to make?
Well I'll tell you, I asked my family for help and they agreed to help me and I accepted. Asking for help is very (VERY) hard for me, I like to think I'm in control of my life and have everything taken care of; you know an adult. However my teenage daughter has managed to wear me down to a slightly crazy and frazzled state, where I can't sleep well at night, I lost a promotion that I had been working on for over a year, and I started dreading going home and afraid to find what mess her and her friends left for me in the backyard, front yard or in the house. Between the time when school gets out and when I get home (about 2.5 hrs.) is what I call the Disaster Time, when most of the neighborhood teenagers are unattended and roaming free and looking for trouble. Trouble has been brought to my door many times and in many forms, I began to wonder if these kids had any brains, because I didn't see any of them use a single brain cell in any of the decisions they made.
So she is now living with her grandmother 2 hrs. away from the roaming destructive pack of teenagers who seemed to rain hell down on my home. But my friends have all let me know how this decision is very selfish of me, and that I was only thinking about myself when I made this choice. I tried to argue that my decision was a smart and that it was best for her and her future. Clearly they don't see it this way, and it made me wonder, why is asking for help from your family and accepting it so terrible? Why are they holding my feet to the fire on this matter, a matter that really doesn't affect them or their lives? Even my sister has chimed in and starting bashing me, which seems to give my (now ex) friends even more ammo to use against me. My best friend of 20 years said that she didn't know who I was anymore, and that she would be there to support my daughter but I'm on my own (and ended the email with, Later). Wow, my best friend just told me to take a hike. I sent my daughter to a home where she will be in a better school district, have private tutoring, constant supervision my my mother and will not be around the destructive teenagers that live in my neighborhood (I know she will meet more up there, but that will take time) and all of my friends are telling me what I did was wrong.
WTF? Am I missing something, I love my daughter with all of my heart and she is my whole world and I know I made the best decision for her; so why do I not have my friends support? Really what am I missing here?
Of course, most of these friends/mothers are all "stay at home mom's" or not mothers at all. So I have girl who doesn't even have kids tell me that I disgust her (btw this person is a wine drunk and is always passed out on the couch from drinking the whole bottle of white wine), and I have stay at home moms let me know that they think I'm the worst mother of the year and to take a hike. For the record I am a single mother who receives no child support and I do not take any state assistance or welfare, I live pay check to pay check and work over 40 hrs. a week.
So I say adios to you, I have become fanatically indifferent to you judgments and opinions......
Now you are wondering, well what was this horrible disgusting decision you had to make?
Well I'll tell you, I asked my family for help and they agreed to help me and I accepted. Asking for help is very (VERY) hard for me, I like to think I'm in control of my life and have everything taken care of; you know an adult. However my teenage daughter has managed to wear me down to a slightly crazy and frazzled state, where I can't sleep well at night, I lost a promotion that I had been working on for over a year, and I started dreading going home and afraid to find what mess her and her friends left for me in the backyard, front yard or in the house. Between the time when school gets out and when I get home (about 2.5 hrs.) is what I call the Disaster Time, when most of the neighborhood teenagers are unattended and roaming free and looking for trouble. Trouble has been brought to my door many times and in many forms, I began to wonder if these kids had any brains, because I didn't see any of them use a single brain cell in any of the decisions they made.
So she is now living with her grandmother 2 hrs. away from the roaming destructive pack of teenagers who seemed to rain hell down on my home. But my friends have all let me know how this decision is very selfish of me, and that I was only thinking about myself when I made this choice. I tried to argue that my decision was a smart and that it was best for her and her future. Clearly they don't see it this way, and it made me wonder, why is asking for help from your family and accepting it so terrible? Why are they holding my feet to the fire on this matter, a matter that really doesn't affect them or their lives? Even my sister has chimed in and starting bashing me, which seems to give my (now ex) friends even more ammo to use against me. My best friend of 20 years said that she didn't know who I was anymore, and that she would be there to support my daughter but I'm on my own (and ended the email with, Later). Wow, my best friend just told me to take a hike. I sent my daughter to a home where she will be in a better school district, have private tutoring, constant supervision my my mother and will not be around the destructive teenagers that live in my neighborhood (I know she will meet more up there, but that will take time) and all of my friends are telling me what I did was wrong.
WTF? Am I missing something, I love my daughter with all of my heart and she is my whole world and I know I made the best decision for her; so why do I not have my friends support? Really what am I missing here?
Of course, most of these friends/mothers are all "stay at home mom's" or not mothers at all. So I have girl who doesn't even have kids tell me that I disgust her (btw this person is a wine drunk and is always passed out on the couch from drinking the whole bottle of white wine), and I have stay at home moms let me know that they think I'm the worst mother of the year and to take a hike. For the record I am a single mother who receives no child support and I do not take any state assistance or welfare, I live pay check to pay check and work over 40 hrs. a week.
So I say adios to you, I have become fanatically indifferent to you judgments and opinions......
Fanatical indifference was shining down one day.....
Today is yet another day. I am content. Life is a steady stream, and we are all in different boats going down the same river of life. Today my boat is not retaining too much water. I do not feel over loaded. Loaded last night, but after the final drop was squeezed out they recalled the bottle due to lead. But the machine broke.
Do you smell that? It's the smell of nonsense, oozing from me like a steady flow of lava; determined to make it to the coast line. Speaking of the coast line did you see the big purple mountain? There was an eagle flying over it until it was struck by a missile headed to shoot down something in the stratosphere. Damn spies like us. When the snow ceases the desert sky burns on low heat until the pressure is relieved. Without pressure there is no dinner, without the feast there is no identity, without distinctiveness we are all lost. Did you get the packing slip with that café au lait?
Did you hear that? Once you receive the sign there is always pressure to explain it. The symptoms involve clusters of righteousness followed by brief periods of prolonged delusions. Always out to get my sensibility. But the eagle never recovered, another great symbol stolen from its height of glory and grace. Did they find you in a mental hospital? Promise me that if I need help you refuse immediately and mumble something about the greater good of America. A rational mind always justifies the greater good especially when contemplating the laundry.
Where was I? Oh ya, the purple mountain and coast lines. Oh no wait I haven't been there in years, maybe it was the amber waves of grain? That sounds a bit closer to home. Speaking of a home, do you have an extra to share? No? No worries most people don't, perhaps the starved fool from never-never land thought about it yesterday. Unfortunately, we learned that never-never land was buried under a pile of rubbish, no one survived. The credit rating was not high enough to ensure survival, and with interest today the fool felt as if his continued existence was not an option.
Don't hold your breath; the smell will not go away.
Well intentioned person seeking to get nothing out of this life, stuck in a boat, on some river. It's dark and I hear voices and laughing. Just accept what you can't have. Happiness is limited in space and is currently full, please check back for availability. I had a dream but it was stripped away by the corrupt thoughts of reality. Can you have shaken reality syndrome? The warning signs are a strange obligation to escape the basic thought process that brought you to this point in life.
The bright light in the sky is not here to help. Just because there is more than one doesn't mean you need two. Probing is an option that most people opt for. And after they put the spin on it everyone will buy. Perhaps an injection of crazy would do you good. Fanatical indifference was shining down one day but we had to put it back in the closet to think about what it did.
Click Clack... do you hear that? Those are the harpies walking down the cliff of good reason. This music was not meant to be danced to. Showing any kind of emotion will not be tolerated; tolerant people will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Remember smoking weed will inspire people to sleep.
Cigarettes will force you to be cold, and alcohol gives warmth that is similar to what doctors feel after a good leaching. A good leaching is what everyone needs these days.
Remember that after the harpies go over the cliff the food will be gone.
Run for the ice!! It will not break, the mad scientist says so. If you don't believe me go ask the shoe maker, he crossed it the other day and only lost his big toe.
Caution pick pockets are invading your mind and all the bright ideas are being swallowed up and will be sold to the highest loser. High people need not apply.
Don't worry it's just that insertion of crazy we were discussing earlier; everyone is doing it these days. After a brief introduction you won't know what you did without it.
The vortex doesn't stop here, & believe me there is NO ESCAPE
Do you smell that? It's the smell of nonsense, oozing from me like a steady flow of lava; determined to make it to the coast line. Speaking of the coast line did you see the big purple mountain? There was an eagle flying over it until it was struck by a missile headed to shoot down something in the stratosphere. Damn spies like us. When the snow ceases the desert sky burns on low heat until the pressure is relieved. Without pressure there is no dinner, without the feast there is no identity, without distinctiveness we are all lost. Did you get the packing slip with that café au lait?
Did you hear that? Once you receive the sign there is always pressure to explain it. The symptoms involve clusters of righteousness followed by brief periods of prolonged delusions. Always out to get my sensibility. But the eagle never recovered, another great symbol stolen from its height of glory and grace. Did they find you in a mental hospital? Promise me that if I need help you refuse immediately and mumble something about the greater good of America. A rational mind always justifies the greater good especially when contemplating the laundry.
Where was I? Oh ya, the purple mountain and coast lines. Oh no wait I haven't been there in years, maybe it was the amber waves of grain? That sounds a bit closer to home. Speaking of a home, do you have an extra to share? No? No worries most people don't, perhaps the starved fool from never-never land thought about it yesterday. Unfortunately, we learned that never-never land was buried under a pile of rubbish, no one survived. The credit rating was not high enough to ensure survival, and with interest today the fool felt as if his continued existence was not an option.
Don't hold your breath; the smell will not go away.
Well intentioned person seeking to get nothing out of this life, stuck in a boat, on some river. It's dark and I hear voices and laughing. Just accept what you can't have. Happiness is limited in space and is currently full, please check back for availability. I had a dream but it was stripped away by the corrupt thoughts of reality. Can you have shaken reality syndrome? The warning signs are a strange obligation to escape the basic thought process that brought you to this point in life.
The bright light in the sky is not here to help. Just because there is more than one doesn't mean you need two. Probing is an option that most people opt for. And after they put the spin on it everyone will buy. Perhaps an injection of crazy would do you good. Fanatical indifference was shining down one day but we had to put it back in the closet to think about what it did.
Click Clack... do you hear that? Those are the harpies walking down the cliff of good reason. This music was not meant to be danced to. Showing any kind of emotion will not be tolerated; tolerant people will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Remember smoking weed will inspire people to sleep.
Cigarettes will force you to be cold, and alcohol gives warmth that is similar to what doctors feel after a good leaching. A good leaching is what everyone needs these days.
Remember that after the harpies go over the cliff the food will be gone.
Run for the ice!! It will not break, the mad scientist says so. If you don't believe me go ask the shoe maker, he crossed it the other day and only lost his big toe.
Caution pick pockets are invading your mind and all the bright ideas are being swallowed up and will be sold to the highest loser. High people need not apply.
Don't worry it's just that insertion of crazy we were discussing earlier; everyone is doing it these days. After a brief introduction you won't know what you did without it.
The vortex doesn't stop here, & believe me there is NO ESCAPE
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